


Jensen & Quinn "Puzzle Pieces"

by heatherlynn22



Category: Jake Jensen - Fandom, The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, F/M, Family Loss, Heavy Angst, Long-Term Relationship(s), Love, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Step-parents, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-08-18 03:33:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8147743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatherlynn22/pseuds/heatherlynn22
Summary: Jensen comes home and deals with the aftermath of an unsuccessful mission. (angst. PTSD Trigger Warning.)





	

** **

**Jensen & Quinn**

**"Puzzle Pieces"**

Quinn was stirred from a deep sleep. She listened but didn’t hear anything. Half asleep she told herself that she must hearing things and easily fell back to sleep. Jensen wasn’t due back home for at least another few days and there is no way the dogs would stay quiet if there was a stranger in the house.

Feeling safe and snug she reached out for Jensen’s unused pillow and hugged it tight. It still smelled like him. Even in her sleep her heart ached for him when he was away on a mission. Her bed felt too big when he was away.

She had no way of knowing how much time had passed when she rolled over and felt a pair of eyes on her. She suddenly realized that she wasn’t alone in the room.

A chill ran through her body and she bolted upright on high alert. As far as her fight or flight responses go her Clay genes were strong and in an instant she was ready for the fight of her life.

Whoever was sitting in her armchair across the room was as still as a statue and barely breathing. She fought the urge to scream and tried to figure out her next move.

“It’s me.”

“J?”

He had only said two words but she knew that something was terribly wrong. He didn’t sound like him at all. She didn’t have an opportunity to be relived for her safety or happy that he was home because her heart was immediately filled with concern.

He just sat there across the room bathed in darkness. Her tired eyes adjusted to the dark and she could see that he was still dressed in his green combat fatigues. He hadn’t even taken his boots off.

“Come to bed.” Was all she could think to say.

Their alarm clock said it was nearly three in the morning, surely he must be exhausted. He has come home from missions late at night while she was sleeping before. She is usually greeted by his large arms pulling her towards him to snuggle and cuddle.

After missions he usually can’t keep his hands off her. She was the same way. After so much distance between them neither could bare to be even a few inches away from each other. It was like their bodies were magnets being drawn back together.

“No. I’m good.”

Hearing him speak again she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that something was horribly wrong. His voice was gravelly and hoarse without a trace of the humor and levity of the man she knew and loved.

She threw off her blankets and quickly got out of bed. He slowly shook his head and rubbed his palms against his thighs. Her heart instantly broke for him. He was trying so hard to hold himself together.

“STOP!” he shouted at her.

She was taken aback by the sharp forcefulness of his voice. She was so confused and hurt by his tone. Even at his maddest he never raises his voice to her like that. In the back of her mind she hoped that he didn’t wake Cooper and Jack.

“J?” she started to tremble. She had no idea what was happening.

“Don’t okay. Stay over there and don’t fuckin’ come near me.”

He couldn’t hide that there was something wrong. Not from her. He looked like he was cursing himself for letting it slip. She can read him as well as he can read her.

She stood there in his Petunias t-shirt and her pajama pants and played nervously with her hands. Every cell in her body was screaming at her to go to him and comfort him.

It’s her nature, it how she’s wired. It’s not like she can just go back to sleep now. He’s her best friend, she can’t stand to see him upset like this. She had to do something.

“How can I help? Tell me what’s going on.”

He sniffed loudly and a second later pounded his fist down hard on the arm of the chair.

The outburst startled her and on impulse she jumped.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

He apologized as soon as her fear registered with him. He ran his hand down his chin and leaned back into the chair.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m I okay? I’m I okay?”

He repeated her question aloud to himself. His voice sounded detached and full of distain.

She took a step closer and could see tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Don’t come any closer Quinn. I’m not fucking around.”

“Jake. I don’t understand.”

She stood there only a mere few feet away from him, but he might as well have been on the other side of the world. He didn’t look at her. He would try, but had look away. Meeting her gaze seemed to physically hurt.

He was trying so hard to answer her he but couldn’t. His effort was not lost on her.

Fuck this shit, she thought to herself and bravely walked over and knelt down in front of him and started unlacing his boots.

“You shouldn’t …I’m not. I’m not safe Quinn.”

“Stop it with that shit Jake.”

He raised his leg up to help her pull his boot off. Then did the same with the other. He didn’t make a sound.

All that she has wanted for days now was his safe return. To have him back again with her and the boys. It was killing her to watch him like this, she had no idea how to help him.

“How long have you been sitting here?”

“A few hours I think.”

She sat up on her knees in between his legs and started unbuttoning his shirt. He flinched but allowed her to continue and complete her task.

“This mission…” he stopped and took a long trembling breath.

She placed her hand over his heart and he held it there while she waited for him to continue.

“Bad?” she asked trying to hold back tears of her own. His pain was so raw she couldn’t help but feel it along with him.

He nodded his head but still couldn’t look at her.

“Is rest of the team okay?”

The question seemed to pain him like she had poked at an open wound. She held her breath and waited for his answer. If anything happened to her older brother she is not sure if she could bare it.

“Yeah. They’re fine.” he nodded and took and deep breath.

"Why didn’t you come to bed baby?”

“I was afraid I might hurt you…I still feel like I’m there. I can still hear the…” he looked away and tried to clear his throat. “If I have another nightmare…“

His voice trailed off and he didn’t finished his thought.

He didn’t fight her when she crawled into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his head to her chest. They just sat there minute after minute listening to each other breathe.

They fit together like two puzzle pieces.

Every now and again he would sniff and try to be strong but she encouraged him to let it all out and stroked his hair. His strong arms held her tight.

"I love you J. I love you so much.” she whispered in his ear. “I’m here. I’ll always be here. You know you can tell me anything.”

She could feel his tears wet against her neck and his body tremble against hers with every breath he took. He tried to stifle his sobs but the more she stroked his hair and told him that she loved him the more his walls fell down.

“Let it all out.”

He did. He sobbed in her arms while they held on to each other tight.

She wanted nothing more to take all of his pain away. She would gladly take it all upon herself and feel it all tenfold then to have him feel a drop of it.

“Fuck. I’m crying like a little bitch.”

He sniffed and tried to joke but she didn’t laugh, she didn’t even smile. She just wiped his tears away and kissed his forehead.

She wasn’t a professional but she knew that he had to let himself feel it all. Hiding from pain has a way of making things worse. A lesson he ironically taught her. She wouldn’t be in therapy for her own issues if he didn’t make her see that.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time. You can’t hold everything inside. Please come to bed with me.”

“I can’t Q. I want to. But I can’t risk it.”

She cupped his face and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He groaned from the back of his throat. He was so sad, she wished it was her going through this and not him.

“I’m safe with you.” she whispered against his soft full lips.

“You fix me, you know that.”

She smiled and wiped away more if his stray tears.

“You’re not broken my love. You don’t need fixing.”

His sad red eyes searched hers. “I don’t want all of this in your head.”

“Shhh. We’re in this together.” she summoned all of her strength to give him a warm smile. “Team Jensen remember?”

A ghost of a smile crossed his lips and they both nodded in agreement. She took a deep breath and tried to brace herself for whatever ugliness he was about to share with her

“They got to them. Our translator and his family. All of them. They found out he was working with us…” his breath caught in his throat. “His whole fucking family…gone”

She felt his body tense while he was reliving his memory.

“He had a kid. A boy. A little older then Coop.” His voice trailed into a whisper and his jaw continuously clenched.

“Oh baby.” her voice broke and her eyes welled with tears.

“Cougar and I played soccer with him. He was fun and smart.”

This was almost too much for her to hear. She covered her mouth and tried to swallow down a sob.

“We thought everything was secure… we couldn’t do a damn thing but listen to it happen. I was on comms…”

“You listened?”

He took in a deep breath and looked so helpless.

“Tomorrow. I mean it baby. First thing in the morning you call your therapist and get in to see her.”

“I will. I know. My support group meets tomorrow night too.”

“Start from the beginning.”

He told her all about the teams translator and his family. He told her about his efforts to keep his work and identity a secret. He told her classified details that she shouldn’t know about his mission. But that wasn’t anything new. He has been sharing secrets with her since they started dating. He trusted her with everything.

But more then the classified information, he shared how all of his experiences made him feel. How now having a family of his own makes the pain feel closer to home.

“He was so stoked to be a father. It’s not fucking fair. I don’t know how I can look at the boys in the morning.”

“I know you’ll find a way Jake.” she held him as close to her as she could.

“Tomorrow you still get to be their dad. Your friend doesn’t. Live for him. Live the best life you can. It’s the only way to honor the people we lose.”

He let her words sink in. She did fix him. Every single damn time. He wasn’t sure how she did it, but she did.

She never made him feel weak or small. It amazed him that she could love him through all of his bullshit and be strong when he couldn’t be. She wasn’t like any other woman he’s ever known.

The idea of losing Quinn the way his translator lost his wife was unspeakable. She was his heart and had quickly become the sum of everything he loved and was proud of. The world spins because of her.

He couldn’t fully comprehend his good fortune when he looked at her. He never felt like he deserved her and knew that a life without her was something he wasn’t strong enough to stomach.

He came home and watched the boys sleep for about an hour. He wasn’t sure if he believed in a god but thanked every one that he could think of that Cooper and Jack were safe and sound. Then he dragged his tired body to the bedroom he shared with Quinn and watched her sleep from across the room.

He fought with himself. He knew that she would be able to comfort him, but the thought of possibly hurting her was too abhorrent to him. He knew that he was battling with his ptsd and thought it best to protect her. He would rather shoulder all of the bullshit swirling around in his head then risk hurting her.

But it took her crawling into his lap for him to truly feel at home. He held her and remembered what peace felt like. Just when he thought he couldn’t love her more she cast her spell on him and put him back together.

The home that she has given him had nothing to do the the four walls surrounding them. She gave him her heart and showed him that he could be a good man. She gave him his two little boys sleeping in their superhero pjs down the hall. Being a step dad changed his life for the better in so many ways. Ways he was still discovering.

They were his home. Knowing that his kids were safe broke some of the ache in his chest and for the first time since the incident he started to breathe a little easier. Then sitting there watching Quinn sleep in his t-shirt hugging his pillow started to heal him.

Holding her in that chair he begun to feel like eventually he could be okay. Letting her help him was the first step.

“I’m gunna grab a shower. You should go back to bed babe.” He pulled her head down to him and kissed her temple.

“When you’re done come to bed okay.”

He didn’t answer her. He just stood up with her in his arms and set her down on her feet.

Quinn went back to bed and listened to the shower run. It had been almost a year since she tried to wake Jensen from a bad nightmare and he grabbed her and pushed her to the ground.

She has spoken to professionals about the incident and they confirmed what her brother had already told her. He didn’t know what he was doing. In his mind he was still in the war zone he was dreaming about. Grabbing her was more about instinct and survival. The more she got to know him the more she considered that in his case he might have been trying to protect her.

The incident caused them so much turmoil but he has been getting help for his ptsd ever since. She had no idea that he still didn’t trust himself. For all of the research she has done on the issue Jensen’s ptsd seems to be a mild case. Sleep being the only major concern. She was grateful for that.

They both pay attention to his stress levels and he regularly visited his therapist and his support group. She was so incredibly proud of him for handling his issues so well.

It felt wrong not to be with him so she got up and padded into her bathroom. He was standing under the spray with his head hung low and his eyes closed.

She watched him for a moment through the steamy glass door then and quickly peeled herself out of her clothes to join him.

The water was hot. Too hot. Close to scalding. His shoulders and chest were red. She reached around him to turn down the hot water, but he beat her to the punch and did it himself. She was worried that he was trying to punish himself.

“It wasn’t your fault.” she told him confidently with her cheek resting in the middle of his back.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do.” she wrapped her arms around him and he held them there against his stomach. “You told me you did everything you were supposed to.” she squeezed him tighter and kissed his back and felt him let out a heavy sigh.

“It wasn’t enough.”

“Sometimes it isn’t. But you did your best. I know you did.”

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this Q.” he swallowed down a sob ran his hand down his face.

“I’m still on Team Jensen no matter what. I’m so proud of you my love.”

He turned around and held her close and let the warm water run over their bodies. She kissed his chest, right over his heart.

“I can’t tonight.”

“I understand. That’s not why I came in here.” she nuzzled her face into his chest and listened to his heartbeat and the steady stream of the shower.

He ran his fingertips up and down her back and she could feel him hard against her hip. His body still responded to her but his mind was understandably elsewhere.

Even though she missed his touch terribly while he was away she wasn’t disappointed. Her only concern was him and what he was going through.

“I want to. I do… I just-”

“Shh. I get it. Just hold me.”

He kissed the top of her head and sighed. They stayed like that for a few minutes, holding each other under the water. He was the first to break the calm and turn off the shower. They dried themselves off and got dressed for bed without discussing the events of the night.

She gave him a sweet understanding smile when he crawled into bed next to her. She was half expecting him to sleep on the couch.

“Come ‘er Q Ball.”

He pulled her closer to him and rested his head on her chest and threw a leg over her. She smiled and wiggled her arm out from underneath him so she could wrap it under his neck and play with his hair.

He sighed and she could tell that he was relaxing into her touch. He must be so tired.

“We’re going to get through this together.” she kissed his forehead and she could feel him smile against her skin.

“Thanks for being so cool babe.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m always cool.”

He puffed out a little laugh and that small sound swelled her heart. She’d walk through fire to hear that sound after everything that he’s been through.

“J?” he was starting to fall asleep. “Let’s keep the kids home tomorrow. Spend the day at the park? Maybe go to a museum?”

“That would be awesome.” he hummed in delight.

“Maybe I’ll call Annie and Jon and have them bring Alyssa over for dinner?”

“Don’t tell them anything about -”

“Shh. Just a family dinner. We should be making it a regular thing anyway.”

“We really should. I want the kids to be close.”

Trust Quinn to come up with the perfect way to help him. Being able to spend time with his kids, niece and little sister sounded like heaven.

“You’ll be sorry you said that when Alyssa and Coop try and dismantle your xbox again.”

He drifted off to sleep on Quinn’s chest while she played with his hair. He tried to fight it but thinking of his kids playing with his niece relaxed him and Quinn was making him feel so safe. That familiar smell of coconuts and vanilla lulled him into a deep sleep, he couldn’t help it.

“Good night Jake. I love you.”

Quinn kissed his forehead and watched him sleep on her chest until her eyes got heavy. Half of his body weight was laying on top of her. He was the best blanket, even under these circumstances.

* * *

The sun hadn’t risen yet when she woke to his lips kissing and nuzzling her neck.

“Mmmm.” she moaned and felt his large hands roam under her t-shirt.

He was breathing heavy and his touch was becoming more desperate and aggressive. His rather large erection was pressing hard against her thigh.

“Did I miss something?” she giggled softy and allowed him to continue. She’s missed this. His hand felt warm against her tummy.

“Mmm. Yeah you did. I had a nightmare.”

Her tired sleepy mind quickly remembered everything he had told her that night. Her heart filled with concern again.

“Are you okay?”

“Baby I’m gettin’ there.” he crushed his lips on hers and kissed her passionately then pulled away suddenly. “It was bad one too. Like really fucking bad.”

He looked down at her and smiled and she couldn’t understand why he was so happy.

“But I didn’t do anything. I’m sweating like a bitch and my heart felt like it was gunna fly the fuck outta my chest but…” his eyes focused on her lips and he kissed her deeply again.

This time his boisterous energy was infectious and she giggled into his mouth.

“I didn’t hurt you Q Ball. I was sleeping on your boobs for christ sake.” he playfully ran his hand up her tummy and cupped her breast. “I could have. It could have been like before. But I didn’t … I mean I don’t know if I can do it again…I doubt I’m like fixed or anyth-”

She pulled him down to her lips and kissed him again to stop his doubt.

“Promise me you’ll never leave me.” his pleading eyes searched hers and he looked vulnerable and afraid.

“I’ll never leave you Jake.”

“Promise me.” he was serious and insistent.

“I promise you that I will never leave you.” she meant every word.

“We really are in this together huh?”

“Team Jensen baby.” she smiled and winked up at him through her happy tears.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read. If I could give you a kudos I would! Any feedback (good or bad) is wonderful.  
> If you liked Jensen & Quinn come and follow me on tumblr at @heather-lynn. I have a lot more fun content there.  
> I also currently post on Wattpad as heather-lynn  
> Love your guts! xo


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